Quiet, Relief, and Regret
by Lady Serena Sparrow
Summary: Takes place 10YL right before the arc. Gokudera tries to deal with the Quiet which follows Tsuna's death. Which does he feel more: Relief or Regret? 5927 and 3327, slight 5933


**This is my first really tragic and sad story. It broke my heart writing this! The pairings are interesting to me…and I wouldn't have it any other way. In honor of my 19****th**** birthday, which is tomorrow, please review this story and my other Reborn story Guarding Tsuna. I work so hard and I am a sucker for feedback! PLEASE? As a birthday present to me? **

**Disclaimer: Don't own the characters of Katekyo Hitman Reborn!**

**Warning: Yaoi, slash, homosexual love, boy on boy, whatever you call it…it is here! So be warned! If you don't like then don't read. **

**Quiet, Relief, and Regret**

After the tears of sorrow, screams of fury, and gasps of disbelief came the Quiet of acceptance. Gokudera wasn't sure which stage of grief bothered him the most, but he was in a dreadful state ever since hearing the news. And soon he heard mumbles of the two R's: Relief and Regret. He knew no one would ask which R he was feeling but he pondered the question anyway.

If it was Relief, it would be because the man he loved was finally at peace. His precious Tenth had been forced to grow up too fast in a cold, harsh reality full of danger, deception, and death. Tsuna had been full of light and love but the Mafia had tried to tarnish him…bring him down to their level. Yet, he had remained strong and kept his kindness and purity. Everyone who cared for him had been proud of the man he had become. He was loved by many and respected by most, but there were always the few who burned with envy and ambition.

_Gokudera could honestly say that he was Relieved that Tsuna had escaped from that hell._

His Juudaime was somewhere better and with good people just like him…and he hoped he was happy. As long as the one he loved was happy, then Gokudera figured that everything would be ok. So what if everyone else was miserable without their leader? They all needed to suck it up and realize that Tsuna was finally safe and at ease. They should be grateful for the time they had with him and treasure all of the memories (especially the numerous good ones) and keep him in their hearts.

_Gokudera knew he should not feel Regret…but he did anyway._

If it was Regret, it would be because the man he loved was gone. Eventually the memories would fade. The only way anyone would be able to remember Tsuna's face would be to look at his picture. Another loss would be the sound of his voice. They would no longer hear his laughter or his panicked squeaks as Reborn attacks him as usual, ringing through the empty hallways. Gokudera would never again hear the adorable sighs of content or sexy moans as they made love. He would never again hear Tsuna scream his name as they reached the peak or whisper "I love you" as he fell asleep.

The worst loss would be the feel of his soft skin, slick with sweat as they bodies melded together. Gokudera would never tangle his hands in Tsuna's wild brown hair, never kiss those soft pink lips or suck on that hot slippery tongue. There would be no more pleasure-induced shudders running along Tsuna's spine under Gokudera's fingertips… no more tight heat squeezing him as they became one.

Gokudera understood that he was only human and that people make mistakes, but Regret was hard to ignore because he had made the mistake of ignoring his gut feeling. He never should have let the Vongola leader go to that meeting alone and unprotected. It was his job to protect him, and he had failed. They all had…his Guardians. He could not help wondering, "What if?" His crazed mind had managed to come up with a dozen different scenarios, but they only caused more damage in his broken heart. Many times he found himself thinking that he would rather be dead than to live without the Tenth.

_Yes, if he felt any Regret, it would be that Tsuna was dead…when it should have been him. _

"Why did you leave me?" he whispered to the empty leather chair behind Tsuna's desk.

The room was dark and silent. All of the files and pictures and personal items had been stored away in boxes and all that was left was a single lamp and a disconnected phone.

_It was almost as if Tsuna had never been there…_

Gokudera was so lost in thought that he did not hear the door open and close behind him. He jumped as he felt two strong hands grab the sides of his arms and the weight of someone's head leaning on his right shoulder. He usually would have spun around and bit the person's head off, but he sensed who it was and did not have the heart to pretend to hate him. They were both hurting and no one could understand what he was going through like he could.

_After all, Ryohei had been in love with Tsuna too and had also had his love returned. _

The three of them had shared a unique relationship. Tsuna split his time between them equally and never showed favoritism in either one's favor. They accepted this because they loved him and knew he would never be able to choose between them. It was fine, because Tsuna's love was beautiful and pure and honest, and they felt special just being with him.

"Hey. You're quiet," Gokudera whispered, not wanting to shatter the peaceful silence, but feeling the need to say something.

He felt Ryohei nod slightly as he asked in a rare hushed voice, "Does that bother you?"

Gokudera smiled at the irony as he replied, "Kind of. It's a bit disconcerting since I always tell you to stop talking so much…but I understand why you don't feel like talking. I'm fine with us just standing here quietly for a while if you want."

Gokudera wasn't sure where that had come from. Just because their loved was gone, didn't mean he should change the way he acted towards the thick-headed boxer. He had always enjoyed their banter and would hate to lose it, but Tsuna had always said that change wasn't always a bad thing. He sighed and prepared to continue standing in silence in his dead lover's office, but jumped as Ryohei's warm body pressed closer to his. He felt himself blush slightly and cursed under his breath.

_He shouldn't react this way to that idiot, but just knowing that Tsuna had touched the body behind him sent butterflies to his stomach._

He then heard the barely suppressed sobs coming from Ryohei, who was normally so bright and strong and cheerful, and felt his already shattered heart twinge again.

"Hayato…I miss him…so much."

In an act of kindness, which completely stunned both of them, Gokudera broke free of Ryohei's hold and turned to bring the trembling Sun Guardian into a warm embrace. He rubbed soothing circles on his back and whispered calming words in his ear until the shaking stopped and the sobs had died down. He knew this wasn't like him, but Tsuna would have wanted him to take care of his other lover.

_Even after death, Tsuna's wishes would never be denied._

"I know Ryohei…I miss him too."

They stood that way silently for a long time. The next day, Gokudera was able to decide that he felt more Relief than Regret. He was also glad to hear Ryohei somewhat back to normal as he began to speak louder and more firmly. The deadened dullness in his eyes had evaporated and the smile had returned, weaker, but at least it was there. The unsettling Quiet of acceptance was still there, but it was fading and he could tell that everyone was slowly beginning to pick up the pieces.

_So one day, when Gokudera was visiting his lover's grave, he saw the younger version of his beloved Tenth…and he knew that the Quiet would finally disappear._

**OK! So I am posting this on my birthday! Please review! I swear I cried like a baby writing this. Poor Tsuna, Ryohei, and Gokudera. Notice how I did not include the other Guardians because I didn't want to mention any other relationships. We all know they're all in love with Tsuna anyway so why mention it? LOL. REVIEWS!**


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